Camp Set to Enforce New Dress Code

Following the lead of the National Basketball Association, Borgess Run Camp has adopted its first dress code in its six years of existence.

"Believe me, this isn't the direction we wanted to go," admitted camp organizer Chris Crowell, who has profited from campers' confusion about proper dress. "But, we can no longer deal with individuals and teams trying to outdo each other in the apparel department."

According to the new code, no knee braces "worn strictly for ornamental purposes" will be allowed in camp. While this has not been a 2007 problem, it's a throwback to the days when "Sympathy Queen" Doris Dirks was a thorn in the side of the fashion cops. Organizers have always vowed that if they ever had to resort to a code, "this would be Rule One."

Also on the list of banned clothing items: powder blue, hooded sweatshirts; Central Michigan University logo wear; calf-high socks (the DeLuca Rule from a different era); designer gumboots; bow ties; any type of Starbury shoe wear; and, of course, Speedos.

The Borgess Run Camp Fashion Committee chose not to rule on "exposed boxer shorts," (because more of that than you realize is accidental) and has yet to make any formal statements about hair styles (though mullets are discouraged) for fear of infringing on campers' rights.

According to Crowell, no penalties, fines or other form of punishment is expected at the Kal-Haven Trail run. "We've got to let the word spread," he said. "I'm sure we're going to see a few powder blue, hooded sweatshirts the first week."

Crowell: "I bet on baseball."

Shock waves rippled through Run Camp Monday when long-time camp organizer Chris Crowell admitted he bet on baseball.

"Say it ain't so, Chris," lamented veteran camper David Pinto upon hearing the news.

Camp's Central Committee delayed a ruling on Crowell's fate because the admission also has implications for the Borgess Run itself, and administrators at the Borgess Health & Fitness Center were said to be "reeling." Race organizers are in a bind because while it would be obvious to strip Crowell of his duties singing the national anthem at the race, finding a replacement for finish-line announcing might prove impossible. "We're not sure anyone else would do it," said a stunned Bryon Bierema.

In his confession, Crowell said "It's hard to explain. I don't like baseball. I don't care who wins and I don't normally gamble. But it just had that mystery, that mystique about it."

Crowell said he lost $5 on a regular season game between the Seattle Mariners and the Milwaukee Brewers in 1985.

Pomeroy Assumes "Scapegoat" Duties

Julie Pomeroy this week was named the new official Borgess Run Camp Scapegoat, replacing Rob Lillie, who has held the post for most of this year and much of last. Pomeroy, who first became a camp victim of sorts two years ago, is most generally referred to as JuJuBeans, and few are aware of her last name.

Pomeroy graciously stepped into the scapegoat role by assuming full responsibility of having her maiden name appear in the original post about the appointment. "I should have done a better job of informing camp organizers and blog editors of my married identity," said a contrived Pomeroy. She was less enthusiastic about admitting she should have been more careful in advising editors about which photos they could use of her, but ultimately that issue came to rest squarely on her shoulders as well.

"I think she's off to a fast start," said a relieved Lillie, who was said to be crumbling under the pressure of having been the camp scapegoat for so long.

We Get Letters

To The Editor:
A lot of us are confused. When Chris gives course directions, are we supposed to clap after each turn, or is it like the symphony where you wait until all the movements are completed?

Signed
Holding My Applause

Dear Holding:
If Chris gives an extremely colorful description of, say, a water stop, by all means, let him know of your satisfaction, but don't be the first to applaud in case others don't feel the way you do. As a general rule, be ready to clap, but don't start anything.

To the Editor:
I've heard a lot of conflicting advice about where to meet for the Portage Bicentennial Run this week (March 31). Most people say we meet at Kilgore. What do you recommend?

Signed,
Alone at Milham

Dear Alone:
Typically, when campers are confused, we recommend carpooling and dropping people at the various sites where you believe camp will begin. In this case, because of the history of confusion, we suggest you go to the corner of Kilgore and Lovers Lane.

To the Editor:
March came in like a lion. With everything else we've faced this year, I'm fearful that it won't "go out like a lamb". What's the word?

Signed,
Weather Weary

Dear Weary:
You can say one thing about Run Camp Saturdays this year. They've had personality. Look for more of the same this week when you gather at Kilgore and Lovers Lane. When your great-grandchildren are sitting by your bedside at the nursing home, pretending to care what you did when you were young and active, you can say . . . "I remember the Winter of Ought Seven" and go from there.







Lord, What Now?

Not so fast, there. Run Camp WILL be at Gazelle's March 24

Morning sun beats down on cars left at Shakespeare's


Run Camp Organizers went into special session early Sunday morning and abandoned plans to move next week's Run Camp from Gazelle Sports to Shakespeare's Pub.

"You could tell a lot of campers were in favor of the switch," said Bryon Bierema, "but in the end, it just wasn't practical."

Camp organizers were called about 4:30 a.m. Sunday by Blaine Lam, who works next door to Shakespeare's and who had gone into work to check on the office ice-making machine, a normal Sunday morning ritual for him. "My God, the pub was empty and there were 150 cars in the parking lot," said Lam, who had seen a study that shows that people who drink green beer and/or Irish whisky tend to forget where their cars are.

"I figured if they didn't find their cars by next Saturday, our plans to move Run Camp from Gazelle's to Shakespeare's would pose a major logistics problem."

So, the March 24 experience will begin on the Kalamazoo Mall at 8 a.m., at the new Gazelle (DON'T go to the old Walgreens.).

'Runting' off to a slow start

Run camp organizers were discouraged after their first week of introducing "runting," when campers apparently failed to take the new sport seriously. Runting is the combination of running and hunting, and organizers felt the blended sport would not only appeal to hunters, but also create much needed PR for camp.

"You know, The Gazette pays a lot of attention to so-called sportsmen," said Chris Crowell, who steps into the lead role of camp spokesperson when the newspaper is torqued at Blaine Lam. "We figured we'd get more coverage with runting than we are with just running."

But things got off to a rather miserable start when not a single runner brought an animal back to the YMCA after Saturday's run. "At first, I thought maybe there was something humane going on, like catch and release," said Crowell, "but then we learned that because we hadn't delivered on some puppy giveaways and cancelled the rattlesnake roundup, we just weren't as credible as we thought we were."

Crowell acknowledges that every sport has its cheaters and that some run campers may be hunting with their cars, not their bare hands, "but that's just something we'll learn to deal with." Runting will resume at Gull Lake.

"This is going to be special"

Bring an extra set of car keys to camp this week, and we'll tell you why in a second. Meanwhile, fire up for the first annual Ron Reid 'Kitten Caboodle,' a kitty giveaway game that replaces the Ron Reid Rattlesnake Roundup, normally held at camp this time of year.

Interest has waned at the Rattlesnake Roundup in recent years because the cold temperatures make it so easy to catch the otherwise wily snakes. The Kalamazoo YMCA also expressed some concern about releasing the snakes so close to the Kleinstuck Preserve.

"I think the 'Kitten Caboodle' is going to be a blast," said Reid, Kalamazoo's King of the Roads. "I've got 34 offspring of the strays that hang around the Road Commission maintenance barn, and I'll release them in the YMCA parking lot at 8:15 sharp. You can keep as many as you can catch."

To ensure the caught kittens' safety, campers should keep their cars' engines running with the heater on while they're out doing their morning run. They'll need an extra key to get in after the run. In years past, the snakes were left in cold cars and that kept most of them from escaping.





Charlie Broberg's brother-in-law, Tex Ferringer, demonstrates the ease of handling a rattler.

'Good Decision' to go south

While apologizing for making the decision at the last minute, Run Camp organizers felt justified Saturday, March 3, when they officially moved the weekly run to Hilton Head, South Carolina.

"I mean, 40 degrees warmer and the beach conditions were ideal," said Blaine Lam, who led the expedition, "how is that not better than the Portage YMCA?" Lam said a number of first-time run campers were hard to convince that this was an especially brutal winter, so organizers had to do something to spare them.

A limited amount of time to announce the switch after the decision was made Friday at 11 p.m., along with certain travel restrictions, proved to be a challenge attendance-wise in Hilton Head, but camp photographer Bobbie Lam did manage to get a few good shots of those who did attend. Some campers failed to get the word and showed up at the Portage Y.

"We were there. We needed the workout. We ran," said Phyllis Florian. "But we wished we had gotten the memo."