Making It Memorable with Themed Teams

Borgess Run Camp has a new theme every year. This year, it's "Make It Memorable," and to ensure it is, teams this year will be re-formed in early January around people's individual skills, likes, dislikes, passions and causes. Here are the top 10 teams that we already know are forming . . . teams with people who 1) Own five or more Beyoncé albums 2) Have a problem with cat ladies

3) Actually kind of like TSA employees 4) Have sworn off selfies 5) Have never given a Secret Santa gift 6) Have a thing for Korean pop groups 7) Work at Stryker, but don't work weekends (it's a small team) 8) Can solve a Rubik's Cube 9) Think Angela Lansbury should have played Mary Poppins 10) Wouldn't date Taylor Swift for anything.

Ready for Spring? Thank the "Green Team"!

Theories abound why the Winter of 2013 extended deep into April (the most credible being the inattentiveness of many Run Campers to the sacred "Blessing of the Rodents" early in camp).

But, if you notice a sudden change in the weather, you have the "Green Team" to thank.  They brought out the heavy artillery on Earth Day and had a "Think Spring" celebration which not even Mother Nature herself could ignore.

"We're not saying we did it all by ourselves," said Team Leader Phyllis Florian. "That would be arrogant," she said, while adding "we're undoubtedly the dominant cause."

Laying on the citrus fruits, tokens, tributes, various forms of sacrifices and a dance that has yet to be named, the Green Team turned up the volume with promises that the April 20 snow would almost be gone by the end of the day and that temperatures could climb out of the 40s by Sunday.

We keep getting letters . . .

Q. I read on facebook last week that Bobbie was scouting Florida sites for 2014 run camp expeditions. What’s the thinking behind that?

A. Warmer, flatter, mostly. We’ve got a few water-stop logistics to work out, and we’re pretty determined to move the entire camp to Florida by 2015.  

Q. Well, as long as we’re going warm and flat, why not Arizona?

A. Time zone issues. It would mean starting camp pretty early Michigan time each Saturday.  

Q. Oh.

A. That’s not a question.  

Q. It isn’t?

"Time to Move On"

In the minds of many, the most anticipated competitive activity each year at Borgess Run Camp (other than perennial favorite "Name That Goldfish"), is the "Rob Lillie Look Alike Contest." So camp organizers fought off a strong wave of backlash recently when they cancelled the annual event, which had been set for March 19. "Nick Nolte, who won the contest four years running, hasn't been back in three," said Dana Schmidt, chief judge, "and even Rob hasn't been himself lately, so we just felt it was time to move on." Schmidt pointed out, though, that a "Rob Lillie Act Alike Contest" had been moved into the March 19 slot as a replacement. "We're optimistic," said Schmidt, "although the first year could be a little weak, what with people not having time to prepare. In time, we think competition will be quite robust." Lillie-ites have warned that merely hanging around Rob may not be the best way to prepare for the inaugural contest. "For one thing, he's the Gazelle store manager, and that could become expensive," said Anne Marie Olbrot, long-time Lillie observer. "More importantly, sometimes he does things that aren't at all Lillie-esque, just to throw you off." With six weeks to go before the event, Lillie was a 6-5 favorite to win the first annual "Rob Lillie Act Alike" event.

We Get Questions

Q. I heard that Run Camp was hosting a "How To Wear Yak Trax" Conference, but I never saw any announcement or publicity on it. When? Where? What? 

  A. Right. It will be held from 7 a.m. to 3 p.m. Tuesday at Wings Stadium, $120 admission.  

Q. But, my team leader didn't even know about it?

A. Who's your team leader?  

Q. Sheila Clothier.

A. Not every team leader hears about it.  

Q. Are you saying . . . ?

A. No.  

Q. So, how do I sign up?

A. It's sold out. Limited seating at Wings.

Q.  Bummer.  Doesn't seem fair.

A.  Who did you say your team leader was again?

Run Camp Study Abandoned

Well, the rumors were true. Borgess Run Camp was the subject of a scientific study, but word has reached Kalamazoo that Harvard researchers have abandoned the study on the grounds that nothing is to be learned from this so-called social experiment.

"Nothing to see here, folks. Move along." Noted Harvard political scientist Howard Putnman is said to have uttered those words recently after being presented with the preliminary findings of field workers investigating claims that Run Camp organizers have found ways to help people lose weight, feel healthier, be more productive and create a better community.

Putnam, author of "Bowling Alone," the definitive tome on the collapse of the American social structure, concluded that Borgess Run Camp is "a glorified Rotary Club without the singing, and glorified may not be the right word."

Although Harvard doesn't publicize its failures, this is said to be one of the few studies ever canceled by the distinguished university.  Notably, Harvard stopped a longitudinal study on what causes Type II diabetes about four years ago.  "Are you kidding? We know what causes Type II diabetes. Let's stop wasting our researchers' time," the lead investigator said.

Putnam's comments about run camp leadership were particularly unkind.  "For openers, Chris Lampen-Crowell is delusional," said Putnam.  "He's telling people we're going to be a healthier community when all the evidence points to the contrary."  Co-organizer Blaine Lam, charged Putnam, "is worse. Far Worse.  He knows society is in the tank, and from what we've seen so far, he's an enabler."

Lampen-Crowell and Lam took issue with Putnam's claim that "bowling alone is superior to getting out on a Saturday morning and doing THAT!" 

"He just doesn't understand crazy and awesome," said Lampen-Crowell.  "We'll see what he says when Kalamazoo is the healthiest community in the nation!"

It's Off! Or Is It?

Word out of London today was that Lindsay Lohan was cancelling her scheduled appearance at Borgess Run Camp this winter, reports fueled by comments by Lindsay's mom after the two fought outside The Rose Palace nightclub shortly after 4 a.m.

Lindsay is scheduled to talk April 13 at Parchment High School about "The Road Back," her personal account of how to overcome adversity.  But as of 6 a.m. Friday (London time), Lindsay was said to be in accord with her mother's belief that there is a "Run Camp Curse," not at all dissimilar to the better-known Sports Illustrated Cover Curse.  You get yourself on the cover of Sports Illustrated, and you're in for bad times.

Dina Lohan, always looking out for Lindsay's best interests, had taken note that it wasn't that long after Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman made a guest appearance at Run Camp that they were splitsville. "And don't even get me started on Nick Nolte," said Dina. 

Due to the time difference and Lindsay's need for rest, Run Camp Social Director Carrie Drake said she wasn't able to confirm a cancellation with Lindsay, but that friends who met up with Lindsay Saturday night at the posh Cinnamon Club were more hopeful that Lindsay would soon be in high spirits again and might reconsider.