Well, the rumors were true. Borgess Run Camp was the subject of a scientific study, but word has reached Kalamazoo that Harvard researchers have abandoned the study on the grounds that nothing is to be learned from this so-called social experiment.
"Nothing to see here, folks. Move along." Noted Harvard political scientist Howard Putnman is said to have uttered those words recently after being presented with the preliminary findings of field workers investigating claims that Run Camp organizers have found ways to help people lose weight, feel healthier, be more productive and create a better community.
Putnam, author of "Bowling Alone," the definitive tome on the collapse of the American social structure, concluded that Borgess Run Camp is "a glorified Rotary Club without the singing, and glorified may not be the right word."
Although Harvard doesn't publicize its failures, this is said to be one of the few studies ever canceled by the distinguished university. Notably, Harvard stopped a longitudinal study on what causes Type II diabetes about four years ago. "Are you kidding? We know what causes Type II diabetes. Let's stop wasting our researchers' time," the lead investigator said.
Putnam's comments about run camp leadership were particularly unkind. "For openers, Chris Lampen-Crowell is delusional," said Putnam. "He's telling people we're going to be a healthier community when all the evidence points to the contrary." Co-organizer Blaine Lam, charged Putnam, "is worse. Far Worse. He knows society is in the tank, and from what we've seen so far, he's an enabler."
Lampen-Crowell and Lam took issue with Putnam's claim that "bowling alone is superior to getting out on a Saturday morning and doing THAT!"
"He just doesn't understand crazy and awesome," said Lampen-Crowell. "We'll see what he says when Kalamazoo is the healthiest community in the nation!"
